Forget Me Not
by NemesisFate
Summary: Severus doesn't remember the past twenty years. And there's not much hope of him remembering. How do he and Harry deal with that? HPSS slash


The screeching in his ear would not go away. "Severus, can you hear me? Severus? Are you okay?"

"Yes," he croaked out. "I'm fine."

He opened his eyes slowly. He resisted the temptation to shut them again much faster.

Harry Potter was staring him in the face.

Before he could blast the stupid boy with invective, the boy in question ran his fingers down Severus' face in a disturbingly intimate way.

"Thank Merlin," he sighed and kissed Severus.

"Mr. Potter! I don't think that's appropriate behavior!" he squawked once that dratted boy let his mouth go.

Harry paled and whirled round.

"Albus, what's wrong with him?" he asked.

"And address the Headmaster with respect!" Severus added.

Albus looked at Harry with compassion. Come to think of it, Harry looked awfully… mature. Much older than Severus remembered him being. It must be a trick of the light, he told himself.

"My dear boy," Albus began, "what's the last thing you remember?" Albus looked older, too. Severus wouldn't've believed that was possible. Tricks of the light, he told himself. Maybe his vision was failing?

That was easy. "Voldemort, of course. Cast some curse or another. Wait, no, I remember – barely – apparating back here. I must have passed out once I crossed the wards, and that's what alerted you."

A strangled cry escaped Harry's lips. Poppy gasped and turned to her store of potions. She began rummaging amongst them. The clinking sound was really starting to get on Severus' nerves.

Albus open and shut his mouth a few times. Finally, he said, "Severus, what year is it?"

"What _is_ it with the asinine questions? January, 1997. And must Potter really be here? I hadn't realized it was common practice to allow students to see their professors ill or incapacitated."

Harry bit his lip in pain and turned stricken eyes to Albus. Severus was intrigued despite himself.

"Severus, it's June 30th, 2018, you've been unconscious for three days, and Voldemort's been dead for twenty years."

"So that idiot boy finally did manage to defeat him? Good for him. What is he _doing_ here?"

"Harry's been teaching DADA for nineteen years."

Severus growled in frustration. "I didn't mean here at Hogwarts, I meant here in the bloody Infirmary."

"He's the one that found you. You had an accident. One of your students' potions exploded and you jumped in front of another student to protect him. You hit the floor pretty nastily, that's when you got your head injury."

"_Oh shit. Severus! Are you okay? Severus?" A warm hand touching him, feeling for a pulse. A sigh of relief. Strong arms picking him up. "Oof. I got you. It's okay. We'll go see Poppy. I got you."_

The memory disappeared as suddenly as it came. Severus shook his head slightly, trying to regain it.

"And my memory?"

"Well, that could be from the concussion or the potion. We don't know which."

"Will I get it back?" Severus ground out. He didn't doubt the twenty years he was missing would be painful and dull, but he missed them nonetheless.

"Poppy is guardedly optimistic," Albus answered carefully.

"As in, you have no bloody clue," Severus snapped.

The infirmary door opened suddenly. "Severus, are you okay?" a voice cried. "I'm sorry; I came as soon as I could."

Oh joy of joys. Ron Weasley was standing at the foot of his bed worriedly.

Ron looked around and noticed Harry's ashen face. "Harry, are _you_ okay?"

Harry shook his head. "He doesn't remember anything," he managed, sounding very much like he was keeping tears back.

"Oh, Harry," Ron sighed and enveloped him in a hug.

"Severus! Are you okay?" asked a new voice. Hermione Granger's. Severus slammed his head back into the pillow.

"Is the Gryffindor reunion from hell being held here?" he snarled. Hermione turned to the other two worriedly.

"He doesn't remember _anything_?" she demanded.

Harry shook his head. "Nothing from the past twenty years."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione sighed and hugged him.

"Is someone confusing Potter for the sick one?" Severus demanded.

"Not at all," Albus smiled. "You're going to have to excuse them. It's rather a nasty shock, you missing twenty years."

Poppy finally returned. She presented something to Albus, who paled but nodded.

Harry went even whiter, if possible, and looked very much like he was going to start sobbing. Hermione was slightly green, but she kept rubbing soothing circles on Harry's back. Severus didn't understand. What did Harry care what potion he was getting, or whether he'd ever get his memory back?

Then Severus went green as he saw the potion. Damn. He was worse than he thought. That particular potion was only given to victims of amnesia with little hope of recovery. He passed a tired hand over his eyes, but stopped when he noticed a silver ring on his left ring finger.

"Albus," he choked out. "Is there a particular reason I'm wearing jewelry?"

Albus looked at the ring and smiled. "Of course, my dear boy. Surely you don't fail to recognize the Snape family wedding rings?"

Severus inspected it closely and noted that it was, indeed, the Snape family wedding ring.

He closed his eyes. "Who… whom did I marry?"

He really should have been able to figure it out, he thought to himself, as Harry gasped out, "Me. Oh, Merlin, you married me… seventeen years ago."

He started crying hard onto Hermione's shoulder. She kept rubbing his back as Severus felt stupid and incompetent. And distressed for Harry. He may not, in this mind frame, particularly like the brat, but realizing your husband of seventeen years hated you could not be easy.

"_Do you, Severus Nero Snape, promise to love, honor, and protect Harold James Potter for as long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do."_

"_Do you, Harold James Potter, promise to love, honor, and protect Severus Nero Snape for as long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do."_

The memory skittered away again, and Severus found himself growling in frustration.

Poppy returned. "Well, physically, he's fine. I can let him go now. You should return with your husband, he may be able to spark some memories in you."

Harry faced Severus again, having managed to stop crying.

Severus felt compassion for him. "I'll endeavor to be nice as possible, Potter," he promised.

Harry's face paled even more. Severus wouldn't have believed it was possible had he not seen it.

Harry turned away.

Albus leaned closer to him. "Do try to call him Harry," he whispered.

"Albus, it's enough of a shock that twenty years have passed and that I'm married to him," Severus hissed.

"Just try," Albus encouraged.

Harry walked over to Severus. "C'mon. Let's go home," he managed. His eyes were red already.

"So, Potter… Harry, what's your plan for today?" Severus asked on the way.

Harry smiled wanly. "I dunno. I'm going to show you some pictures, I guess, to try to jog your memory. Maybe some memories."

Harry led him to their house. "Does any of this look familiar?" he asked.

Severus shook his head. "No," he sighed unhappily. "Nothing, except the things I know I had twenty years ago."

Harry nodded sadly.

"Where is this house from?" Severus asked. "I know that it's not the one I lived in before attending Hogwarts."

"It's not. Not even close to where you grew up. Or to where I grew up. When we decided to live together, and not just at Hogwarts, we decided to build a house far away from all memories. We both had houses we'd inherited from somebody, but they were all full of memories. Sometimes for both of us," Harry finished, thinking of Grimmauld Place. "So we finally settled on near London and decided to build a brand new house."

_Severus and Harry entered the newly built house together. Severus looked around and his lips twitched. Severus knew Harry had long ago learned that translated into a smile on anyone else's face. _

"_You were right," Severus admitted. "It was much better moving into a completely new house."_

"_It fits, doesn't it?"_

"_The two of us, together."_

"_Forever?" Harry asked._

"_Forever," Severus answered. "And ever. And what Dark magic have you worked on me that I would say such a thing?"_

_Harry laughed. "It's not necessarily Dark magic. It's also a Light magic. It's called love."_

"_Exactly," Severus teased. "What did you do to me to make me love again?"_

"_Loved you?" Harry offered._

The memory skittered away again quickly, so fast that Severus wasn't sure if it was a part of a memory or if it was his imagination. He rather suspected he wouldn't sound so sweet in his imagination, but it was hard to believe that he would sound that sweet in real life, either.

Harry was talking. Severus concentrated on what he was saying.

"There are some pictures on the mantel. Let's start there, I guess. I can't do too much today, though. I know it's probably driving you crazy missing your memories, but you have to understand, after a while, I'll need a break."

Severus bit his lip. "I understand."

The first picture on the mantelpiece was of just them. Severus was standing with a ramrod straight back, looking rather like he'd splinter if he loosened a little. His robes were formal and elegant (still black, though). He wasn't exactly smiling, but there was a glitter in his eye and the edges of his lips were quirked slightly. Just slightly, but it brought to mind a smile and happiness. His hair was pulled back severely. Harry stood next to him. He held himself tall and straight, but not the irrationally uptightness his partner had. His robes were black too, formal and elegant. He seemed more at ease, and his smile could have lit up the entire room (some would swear it did). His hair was still the same mess it always was, but it fit very well with Harry's look in general. They were holding hands unobtrusively. They weren't hiding their joined hands, but it was the only point of contact between them. Their free hands hung loosely by their sides, and Severus could see the glitter of a ring.

"When was this?" he asked finally.

"Our wedding day," Harry smiled. "We had argued forever on robe colors. You didn't want to go with the virginal white because neither of us were virgins – you had made sure of that – and we couldn't seem to agree on any other color. You didn't want to _hear _of red or gold or yellow, and you look like shit in green. Makes your skin really yellowy, kinda like you have jaundice."

"I know that," Severus answered. "I've avoided wearing lots of green for years."

"Yeah, you do have quite a few green ties, though," Harry laughed. "And finally, we agreed on black. Not our teaching robes, but really nice black robes."

"We look… happy," Severus sighed.

"We were," Harry answered. "Oh, many of my friends and our colleagues said to one of us that you looked dour and unhappy, but I knew that you were smiling. I have a lot more pictures of our wedding, if you want to see."

Severus nodded.

"Have a seat on the couch. I'll go get that album."

"Wait, Harry," Severus called.

Harry turned from the doorway.

"Do… This is a stupid question, I'm sure, but do you love me?"

Harry nodded sadly. "More than life itself," he whispered. "You've been my everything for the past nineteen years, Severus. We started dating the year I came back to teach. Two years later, we got married."

"Do I love you?"

Harry smiled. "You say you do," he answered cryptically.

"But do I?"

"You do," Harry answered with a soft smile. "It's in your eyes when you look at me sometimes, in your hands when you touch me, in your voice when the two of us are alone. I've never had cause to doubt your love for me."

"And… I need to know. Have I… Have I ever doubted your love for me?"

Harry looked sad again. "Yeah. In the beginning. You thought it was a school boy crush or a joke. Took me forever to convince you that I wasn't joking, and that I was serious. And you were plagued by doubt for a bit. I think it was more about you than me. You told me once you felt too old, too out-dated, too… you weren't even quite sure what… to be my lover."

He smiled brightly. "One day, though… it was like the floodgates broke. I dunno what happened or what you convinced yourself of, but suddenly you trusted me when I said 'I love you'. Days later, you asked me to marry you. Very properly, we were engaged for a year. All while living together, of course."

Severus' eyes twinkled in amusement at that. "Honorable, aren't I?"

"Aren't we," Harry corrected. "I wanted it just as much as you did. Now sit. I'll go get that album."

Severus sat down uncomfortably. He felt bad for Harry, having to explain the past twenty years to his own husband.

_Harry sat next to him, his head on Severus' shoulder, half-asleep. A book lay open on Harry's lap, but given that Harry hadn't turned the page in thirty minutes, Severus figured that Harry wasn't reading it. He turned the pages of his book slowly with his left hand, his right hand gently rubbing Harry's upper arm. _

"_I love you," Harry sighed dreamily. _

_Severus smiled, too, and kissed him on the top of his head. "I love you, too."_

"_Let's go to bed," Harry suggested._

_Severus put their books aside and helped Harry up. "Excellent idea," he purred._

The memory disappeared suddenly, leaving barely any trace of it ever having been there.

Harry searched one of the bookshelves for the album. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. He couldn't give up hope yet. Not yet. Maybe… just maybe, Severus' memory would return.

He finally found the album he was looking for and returned to the couch. He sat down next to Severus, resisting the urge to rest his head on Severus' strong shoulder. He knew this Severus wouldn't find it welcome.

Severus found himself almost missing the heavy, welcome weight of Harry's head on his shoulder. He sighed inwardly. He never clearly remembered Harry's head having been there. There was only that half-memory that had crossed his mind earlier.

Severus opened the album with no small amount of hesitation. The first picture was of Harry, alone, with a goofy grin on his face. His robes were half-buttoned, and he was clearly laughing at something.

"What's this of?"

Harry peered at it and laughed. "Ron took that. It was before the ceremony itself. I was dressing, and he had been taking silly pictures the whole time. Most of them were bad, but this was… it captured how I felt about the whole thing. Elated."

Severus turned the page. There was that picture of them together again.

"Ron took that too," Harry said softly. "He's a big photographer now." Harry laughed again. "Everyone thought Colin would be the photographer, but Ron's really got an eye for it. His don't move, usually, though. He doesn't like his moments ruined by the subjects moving around. Ron took almost all of our wedding photos. It's why he wasn't my best man. He wanted to take the pictures."

"So who was your best man?"

"Hermione," Harry answered immediately.

"I hate to point this out, but Hermione isn't a man."

"And we didn't wear virginal white, and neither your father nor mine – adopted, surrogate, or otherwise – gave us away, and both of us are male… why would we bother with the traditional heterosexual marriage ceremony? Hermione's my best friend, too, so if Ron couldn't be best man, then clearly it was Hermione who should be."

"Did I have one?"

Harry nodded. "Minerva was yours. Albus couldn't be, he was officiating."

Severus looked at the next picture. They were sharing a kiss. It was a chaste meeting of the lips, but Ron had somehow managed to capture not just their brief kiss but also longing and desire and passion all at once. Severus noticed they were still holding hands. Or maybe holding hands again.

"It's a very good picture," he said.

Harry nodded. "Do you remember anything about it?"

_Albus looked at them with a twinkle in his eye and said, "You may now kiss the bride."_

_Severus leveled him with a glare, but Harry had already begun leaning in. Severus resolved to let the matter go (for now, at least), and he leaned in, too. Their lips met briefly and they knew better than to deepen the kiss here. But in the kiss was promises of what was to come, and Severus knew he was looking forward to the night._

"Severus?"

"A… memory fragment," Severus explained hesitantly.

"You remembered something?"

"Just a bit of something."

"What?"

"The scene in the picture. I remembered Albus telling us that we could 'kiss the bride.'"

Harry laughed. "You laughed about it afterwards," he added with a twinkle in his eye.

He turned serious. "Have you had any other such memory fragments?"

Severus nodded. "A snippet from our wedding and a teeny bit from after the accident."

"Let's keep looking through then, shall we?"

"What's next?"

"A bunch of handshake photos. Y'know, when everyone comes up in a line and congratulates us. Ron captured most of them really well."

They looked through those photos, the silence broken only by Severus asked occasionally who someone was.

He turned the page and smiled. The two of them were feeding each other cake, their faces and fingers messy and gooey with frosting. Harry was laughing and even Severus' lips were turned upward in a smile.

"_Yeesh! Harry, really, feeding me cake should be a relatively simple endeavor…"_

"_Much more fun making you completely messy," Harry laughed and smeared some more frosting across Severus' cheeks. _

_Severus swirled a long finger in the frosting and dragged it along the tip of Harry's nose. Harry giggled. "Tickles," he gasped._

"_Should've remembered that before you started decorating me with frosting," Severus countered._

"_Oh, you enjoy it."_

_Severus' lips twitched. "Perhaps," he admitted. "Shall we attempt actually getting the cake in each others' mouths now?"_

"_At the same time," Harry challenged. _

_They both picked up a bit of cake and messily stuffed it in each others' mouths. Harry was laughing and trying to keep the cake in his mouth, even with Severus' fingers helping, and Severus smiled his little smile (silly as it looked with his mouth full of cake and Harry's fingers trying to sweep crumbs into his mouth). _

_Click! Ron's camera went off. _

"_This one will be perfect," he laughed. "That was beautiful."_

_Harry ran his sticky knuckles gently down Severus' face. _

"_Wasn't I messy enough for you already?" Severus grumbled._

"_Not by far, and I can't wait until you're messy with cream of a much different sort," Harry teased._

"Severus?" Harry asked. "Another memory fragment?"

Severus nodded. "Us feeding each other cake. You smearing the frosting on me and laughing. I was being nasty to you, but I didn't mean any of it."

"I know," Harry answered softly. "Just like I did then."

Severus stood and looked at the mantelpiece then. There was another picture, of him, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The four of them were seated at a table playing cards. Ease and familiarity was apparent from the picture. Harry and Ron were laughing, Hermione was pretending to look scandalized, and Severus was smirking. Severus picked up the picture.

"I look… comfortable in their company," Severus remarked.

Harry walked up behind him but didn't lay a hand on him. Severus almost missed the warmth of Harry's hands. It was weird, given that he didn't consciously remember anything about Harry's hands or their warmth.

"You accepted them pretty soon in the course of our relationship. You actually get along very well with them. Ron and you play chess often. Hermione and you debate often and heatedly. The biggest strife between you two was that she wanted you to teach her your potions and you didn't want to. She was especially annoyed you taught them to me. Despite that, we all got along well. We meet frequently for dinner, and we take care of their kids sometimes. For a night while they go out, or for a few weeks if they want a vacation. The kids call me 'Uncle Harry' and you 'Uncle Severus' or 'Uncle Sev.'"

Harry put the picture back gently. "It's late, and I don't think it'll help your memory any if you're not getting enough sleep. We should go to bed."

"It's been three weeks," Severus sighed sadly to Albus. "And all I have of my memory are fragments. Little bits and pieces that come back at the strangest times."

He took a fortifying sip of his tea. He rather suspected Albus had laced his with a Calming Draught, but he knew he needed one. "Harry… we spent the first two nights together in the same bed. Clearly we had done so many times before. He made sure to give me a lot of space in the bed, although that wasn't why we bought a bed that big. The first morning, he was against my back, his hand on my stomach. The second he woke, he snatched his hand back and apologized. I… it wasn't an unwelcome touch, not exactly. I fancied him even twenty years ago. Surely he knew that. But I know that I'm not now the man Harry married or the one he's lived with for eighteen years."

"Do you think your memory will come back?"

Severus shook his head. "Apparently it won't. It hasn't yet, just those damn fragments."

"Has Harry said anything?"

"No. And I know he'd stay with me even with my memory like Swiss cheese, but… I know it's hurting him. And I don't know how to fix it or what to do."

Albus smiled. "Harry's never been one to run from demons or problems. He'd deal with you any way he could. He loves you very much, you know."

Severus nodded. "I'm intruding on someone else's life," he whispered. "All the time I feel like the real Severus Snape, Harry's Severus, is gonna walk through the door and kick me out, expose me as an imposter. That Severus is gonna look at the pictures and smile. That Severus would know about Ron and Hermione's kids, about their vacations together, about his wedding day, about the building of his house, about their arguments, about their tender moments. Harry would touch that Severus. Harry would kiss that Severus. Harry would make love to that Severus."

Albus stood and laid a comforting hand on Severus' shoulder. "You need to start getting back into life, with or without your memories. Do you ever kiss Harry? Or touch him at all?"

"No," Severus answered immediately. "I don't want to intrude…" he trailed off.

"He's not going to start anything. You need to do that, if you want a life with your husband still."

"I know," Severus sighed.

"Go back to him. Start a new life with him. Or don't. But don't keep doing this to him."

Severus nodded. "I know. It's not fair." He stood. "I don't know anymore…"

"That's understandable."

He left.

He entered their house. "Harry?"

Harry came out of the kitchen with a wan smile. Severus' heart clenched. He wanted to see a much bigger, brighter smile on his husband's face. He could see how much the past three weeks had exhausted and depressed Harry by the lines on his face.

"How was your tea with Albus?" Harry asked pleasantly.

"It was good, thanks," Severus answered. He hesitated still. This Severus didn't know anything about Harry. Not enough about him, anyway.

But he leaned down anyway and brushed his lips against Harry's.

Harry pulled back. "Why?" he asked.

"I doubt I'll ever get my memory back," Severus sighed unhappily. "But I've lost enough as it is. Twenty years, as you know. I don't want to lose you too… that is, if you'll still have me?"

Harry smiled uncertainly. "I'll still have you," he whispered. He kissed Severus chastely again.

Severus ran the back of his knuckles across Harry's cheek.

Neither of them said to the other, 'I love you.'

Severus missed the words.

Harry's heart ached for them.

"Have you tried a potion to aide your memory?" Harry asked.

"Several," Severus answered. "And I tested the potion that exploded. Nothing. It must be from the concussion. Poppy says that means there's a good chance that it'll return."

Harry nodded slowly. "I know. She told me the same thing."

"I don't know what to believe," Severus sighed heavily. "She says that I might, but all I have of the past twenty years are a handful of memory fragments."

Tears slipped down his cheeks. "Damnit, I want every precious moment with you. Every last one. I have pictures, but I have to have them explained before I even know what happened there. I have your explanations, and I have those damnable fragments."

He started crying. "I want you, and I want you to have the Severus you had a month ago."

Harry wiped his tears away. "You have me, whether you're the Severus of twenty years ago or the Severus of last month. I loved them both. I love _you._"

"I love you too," Severus whispered.

Harry choked back a sob. "I… I'm sorry. I…"

"I know," Severus whispered.

"I need some time alone," Harry sighed. "I need to think. To fly."

"I'll be in my lab," Severus promised. "Go do what you need to."

Harry returned to the house just in time to hear a glass shatter. "Oh, shit!" Severus cried out.

Harry dashed into the lab. "Severus, are you okay?" he asked.

Severus looked at him and laughed joyously.

Harry's eyes widened. His husband almost never laughed, even now. Twenty years ago, he laughed even less. "Severus, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Absolutely nothing."

"I heard a glass shatter."

"Yeah, I dropped a vial. It was empty," he clarified.

"Severus, what is so amusing about dropping a glass?"

"I remember."

"Dropping it? Well, that's not that amusing. You did it only seconds ago."

"No, you _fool_."

Harry's lips twitched at Severus' endearment-disguised-as-insult. He saddened when he thought of how the Severus of a month ago used to do that.

"I remember. _Everything._ All bloody fifty-something years of my life. Even the missing twenty years."

Harry stared at him. "You remember everything?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "No, I decided it would be a good joke to play on you. _Yes_, I remember everything. Why _else_ would I say it?"

Harry grabbed his arm and dragged him into the living room.

"What happened?"

"I was making a potion, and I looked into the dark blue liquid in the cauldron. Never mind the liquid should have been turquoise. Suddenly, everything just… fell into place. All the memories I thought I had lost."

Harry opened a photo album near the couch (there were a lot of those, given their attempts to restore Severus' memory). He flipped it open to a page they hadn't gotten to. "What is this of?" he demanded.

Severus looked at it. He and Harry were sitting on the couch, each of them holding a red-headed child. They were intently talking to the two of them. The two kids were laughing, Harry was smiling, and even Severus' lips were curved slightly in his half-smile.

"That's when Ron and Hermione only had two kids, instead of the six they have now. We were going to babysit the kids for two weeks while Ron and Hermione went on vacation. The one in my lap is Bella, the one on your lap is Aiden." Severus' lips twitched. "Aiden Harry Severus Weasley. The poor kid. Anyway, Ron saw us talking to them and grabbed his camera to 'capture the moment.'"

Harry dropped the photo album carelessly and straddled his husband's lap. "Welcome back," he grinned. He kissed Severus deeply.

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and kissed him back as passionately. "I missed this," he panted when Harry let his mouth go. "I love you more than anything."

"I love you too," Harry answered. "Now shut up and fuck me."

Severus considered that for a few moments. "I dunno. Why would I want to do such a thing?"

In response, Harry vanished their clothes.

"Oh, I remember now," Severus laughed.

-- End


End file.
